Don’t you dare talk about pain!

I never wanted to say this. I’m not the one who left. I’m not the one who let you feel rejected. You did that to yourself. Don’t use your guilt trip technique you use with other women on me because I’m not one of them. Unlike them, I know what you feel, I know what you think, I know how your heart beats, and I know the name you want to utter. So don’t tell me that I don’t know you because I know you better than you know yourself. You are settling. Settling for less, for number two and that’s what you’re making me feel. You think I don’t know what’s going on? I pretty damn know. You still love her. Her name haunts you every minute, every second and every breath. You haven’t moved on. You don’t want her to call you a loser for not moving on so you find ways to be with other women so she can never tell which is which. You don’t want to lay your armor down because you know you still have that bleeding wound and if you let your armor down, one more strike would bring your death. So, don’t you dare talk about pains because your pains aren’t even close to mine. You chose to be that way that’s why you’re stuck. Unlike me, I have accepted the fact that this is a triangle. You love her, I love you and no one loves me back, reason why I left. I left because I am hurting everyday, every second you talk about you and her. It is so degrading, really. To think that I am the other woman, the second, the less, it is hurtful I tell you. Aren’t you happy that I’m giving you an option? That I’m giving you your freedom and I ask nothing in return? I had so much faith in you when we were together so much faith that I placed you at my pedestal but you just threw it away and you’re not even thankful for it. I’m not stupid; I could see everything through your eyes. So what did you think I would say? You know, there were never neither us nor we. We were finished long before we started this masquerade. So why don’t you stop this enigma. Stand up and be a man. If you want her then settle things with her and stop hurting people. If you really don’t want her anymore, then forget about her and face your fears. No one wins without failing. Start a life without her, without grudges and pain, and without your extra baggages. Stop hesitating, start living, and start loving. Start a new journey. 

Maybe

          Will you elope with me?

An indecent proposal from the guy I loved from the past. We were young and reckless then. I loved him so much that I nearly said yes but I begun to think,  is love really enough?

Years have passed and I can say I made the right decision. I’ve seen my friends got pregnant, got married, eloped but they weren’t able to invest for theirs and their family lives first. And the main point is they’re not happy. I see them struggling through their lives coz money isn’t sufficient, emotions weren’t stable, and love, they forgot how to love each other. They were full of love then but it only proved me that love is never really enough. Not enough to buy diapers, food, or even your leisures. Love deteriorates through time. I have never known or even seen a couple that lasted. For some, even though it lasted, I can’t see the love and glitter in their eyes like they should be. I can’t see those sparkles, the magic. I asked myself, where did it go? Maybe it’s just me, thinking hopeless about the magic of love and relationships. Maybe, I haven’t really found the person that would really place that sparkle to my eyes, sweet smiles to my lips, beat to my heart. Or maybe, I’m just got hurt really badly in the past that I can’t seem to let go and heal. So many “maybe’s.” Well, maybe if someone would come along and find that magic with me, then maybe, I could write about love and magic and sparkles and smiles. Let’s see if I can say that love is enough by that time. Maybe, you could be the one to prove me that love is really enough.