We never spoke about love. We never spoke about us. I guess it was a mutual understanding that you do love me, that we do love each other and that we are in love. I let you touch me in ways other men never did before. I accepted you with open arms even though I know that from the start, you haven't moved on with your past. You said you wanted to so I compromised. Months have passed and you said you did. I say, you haven't. It's because you still keep talking about her, about how she hurt you, about how she feels, about her medical condition and her current boyfriend, about how she keeps on communicating with you and about how much sacrifices you did for her. I'm hurting but I put the pain aside because this is what sacrifice meant. You said to me, "Love is all about sacrifices and compromises" so here I am proving you that love exists when you're with me.
Tell me, where should I draw the line? I've given so much for you and all I ask is for you to forget the past and take the ride home with me but how can we move on if you won't let me? You're not walking beside me darling, from what I can see, I'm dragging you away from the past but you're hands are clenched on that baggage. You can't seem to let go. All I ask from you is to let go. And you still say, "Love is all about sacrifices and compromises?"
As I walk down the streets, I asked myself, what would life be without you? I couldn't imagine life without you. Misery and pain is all I could foresee. It's like picking and reading my own tarot cards but all I keep on drawing are the cards of "The fool"--which shows my instability and the energy I have wasted on you.The fool who loves you even though it hurts badly. Maybe, it is not the right time for committing with you until you're wounds are healed.
The hermit--telling me that next time I have to be cautious and discreet. Think about the motives of people surrounding me. Saying that now is the right time to stand back and reflect upon the circumstances and reach into my inner self. Maybe, I have to be isolated for a while. Be far away from you so we could heal.
Then comes the Three Swords Of Sorrow--exactly what I'm feeling--sorrow and extreme pain, separation, disruption and discord, heartbreak, tears, strife, conflict. Pain tells me that I must leave. Sorrow makes me weak. I can no longer stand more pieces get lost for I can't put them back together. Could it get any worse?
Oh yeah, it could especially when one draws the Death card. Leaving him would cause me both misery and death. I refuse to face the fear of losing him but I'm already exhausted. So maybe, I could view it differently where death would mean a new beginning of life that could let me transform myself completely. The end of a phase in life which has served its purpose. Maybe it's good to die and end this chapter in my life where pain and sorrow dwells so I could start over and maybe, begin writing my happy ending.
This time, I believe, the Hanged Man is of importance because it meant that it's now the right time to devote my effort to a worthwhile cause. Let myself be flexible and be willing to adapt to changes. Sacrifice in the present to reap benefit in the future. A waiting period. Rebirth. Sacrificing one thing to obtain another. Transformation. I'm doing this because I love you and the only thing that would heal you is you.
So before I reached my door, I thought, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I love you and that's what matters so if love is all about what you said, I would compromise: Let's agree and accept that we're better off separated now and see what fate will give us. Let ourselves be healed before we begin our journey so next the time we start, we're sure that we could finish the journey together no matter what. I would sacrifice: Leaving you and living without you would be difficult and a painful process. I'm sacrificing this heart of mine. Take it so you are assured that you're the only one. Come back any time you want. You have a home with me. I love you Eleazar. I'll always will.
If you want to see more of those tarot cards and their meanings, visit the site below.
Please don't sue me, I just wanted to express myself and one way to do it is see what those tarot card says. :)http://www.paranormality.com/tarot_meanings.shtml
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